


100 Things Nations Cannot Do

by ChewingstonChew



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Comedy, Funny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-08 11:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5495303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChewingstonChew/pseuds/ChewingstonChew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A set of guidelines and rules set down to ensure order and progress at the World Meetings. Each nation will come forth with their own 100 rules stating what they cannot do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Denmark

**100 things I, Denmark, cannot do.**  
1\. I cannot invite Iceland for any more outings to Finland's saunas.  
2\. Norway will kill me.  
3\. Again.  
4\. I cannot steal Finland's Moomin plushie.  
5\. Even if it was super cuddly.  
6\. I cannot joke about Iceland having no army.  
7\. (See 2  & 3)  
8\. I will not mention the good 'ol Viking days within England's earshot.*  
9\. Even if they were called the good ol days for a reason.  
10\. I cannot come to the World Meetings drunk.  
11\. I cannot leave the World Meetings drunk.  
12\. I cannot go out to the bar with Germany, Prussia, and England.  
13\. I cannot play Pirate 101 with England and Spain ever again.  
14\. I cannot force Norway to play with us either.  
15\. I cannot dress up as a Viking and come to the meeting in a Viking boat.  
16\. Even if it is totally awesome.  
17\. Prussia would agree.  
18\. I should not gamble with Finland's dog.  
19\. That dog is damn good at gambling.  
20\. I should not speak of the Kalmar Union within earshot of Sweden and Norway.  
21\. I should stop thinking about it all together.  
22\. It makes me depressed...  
23\. I cannot bring beer to meetings as 'refreshments.'  
24\. Last time I did, Prussia complained German beer was better.  
25\. Then I tackled him and turned the entire meeting into a brawl.  
26\. I cannot call myself King of the North.  
27\. Even though I am.  
28\. I cannot tell England's former colonies that the reason America and Canada don't have England's eyebrows is because England liked them best.  
29\. They will probably kidnap them again.  
30\. I cannot make a Lego castle and pretend to declare war on the world.*  
31\. Even if it was funny watching them scream in pain from standing on Legos.  
32\. They did make me come out two hours later though.  
33\. I cannot pull Norway's curl.  
34\. Even if I know what he will do.  
35\. I cannot hang out Liechtenstein anymore.  
36\. Switzerland will shoot me.  
37\. And that is painful.  
38\. I cannot blow up Sweden's castles on our Minecraft server.*  
39\. I will get killed with pork chops.  
40\. And that is humiliating.  
41\. I will not mention the WWII Jewish star prank within earshot of Germany.*  
42\. He is still touchy about it.  
43\. I cannot eat eggs in front of Prussia.  
44\. He will tackle me.  
45\. Then Norway would get mad for starting a fight.  
47\. (See 2 & 3)  
48\. I cannot play strip poker with America.  
49\. I think I saw noses bleeding.  
50\. I cannot joke to Iceland about Norway wanting him to call him older brother.  
51\. Iceland will attempt to hit me.  
52\. It will not hurt at all because he has no army.  
53\. I cannot mention Christmas around Finland.  
54\. Because he will whip out the Christmas decorations and fling them on me.  
55\. And then he will start singing Christmas Carols.  
56\. Living with Finland has made me sick of Christmas carols.  
57\. I should not let France into my house.  
58\. Or Russia.  
59\. I cannot set Lego booby traps in the Conference building.  
60\. They don't work like the Lego castle, the nations actually wear shoes this time.  
61\. I cannot call America a cannibal when he asks for coffee and a Danish.  
62\. I cannot forget that Faroe Islands exists.  
63\. It's not my fault that he's so easy to overlook!  
64\. I cannot have an axe fight with Spain.  
65\. It would have been pointless, I would win anyway.  
66\. I cannot join America in his Disco Pogo Friday celebration.  
67\. Even if five other nations were there.  
68\. I cannot dress up as the little mermaid and pretend to be the statue.*  
69\. I cannot make any jokes about this number.  
70\. I cannot maul America whenever he sings Part of Your World.  
71\. He knows nothing about the original tale.  
72\. I cannot claim Netherlands stole my haircut.  
73\. It's not true anyway, my haircut is way better.  
74\. I cannot encourage Ladonia to take independence.  
75\. Sweden will stare me down.  
76\. And that is uncomfortable.  
77\. I cannot ride a red deer into the World Meeting.*  
78\. Or anything for that matter.  
79\. I cannot take off my shirt in a World Meeting.  
80\. Or anywhere that's public.  
81\. Japan will probably post his picture of me on his website.  
82\. Not that I mind, anyway.  
83\. I cannot go treasure hunting with America.  
84\. All we found was an old wad of gum.  
85\. I cannot pretend I'm Godzilla and wreck America's Lego city.  
86\. Even though my Lego city is way better.  
87\. I cannot ask Poland if he's sure he's a man.  
88\. He will chase me around with his pink pony.  
89\. I think he painted the pony pink.  
90\. I cannot join in any more beer contests with Germany.  
91\. Both of us will just end up wasted.  
92\. I cannot force the Nordics to cross dress for the 'special occasions.  
93\. (See 2 & 3)  
94\. I cannot tell Finland that his fish food thing is disgusting.  
95\. Even if it is true.  
96\. I cannot tell England his food is terrible.  
97\. Again, even if it is true.  
98\. I cannot not try Iceland's shrooms.  
99\. I will take this seriously, knowing that if I don't obey these rules laid down will result in severe punishment.  
100\. Screw 99.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***The Nordics had such great times raiding England's villages and invading his vital regions.**
> 
> ***Legos were invented in Denmark.**
> 
> ***I like to think the Nordics have a Minecraft server where they play around and Denmark just trolls everyone.**
> 
> ***The Jewish Star prank is when Germany invaded Denmark and said the Jewish had to wear the star of David thing, everyone wore the star of David. So the nazi couldn't tell the real Jews.**
> 
> ***The little mermaid tale originated from the Danish writer Hans Christan Andersen. There is a little mermaid statue in the capital of Denmark.**
> 
> ***The red deer is from Denmark.**


	2. Sweden

**100 things, I, Sweden, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot beat up Denmark.

2\. Even if he deserved to be beaten up.

3\. I cannot get in a fight with Japan when he says he supports Su-Den.

4\. I cannot get in a fight with Hungary either when she says she supports Su-Den.

5\. Both would result very badly.

6\. I cannot make a stool and bring to a world meeting and then start talking to it.

7\. It would creep other nations out.

8\. Even though there is no one to talk to anyway...

9\. Everyone is frightened by me and Finland doesn't enjoy it when I talk to him for long periods.

10\. I cannot stare down Russia.

11\. He does not get intimidated and will try to smile me down.

12\. And then there will be a staring-smiling brawl.

13\. There would be no winners because whoever wins will get killed by the other.

14\. I cannot hunt Denmark down when he ruins my dinner parties.*

15\. I only have dinner parties once in a long while and I want them to be perfect.

16\. So hunting Denmark down before my dinner parties is a better idea.

17\. I cannot kill Denmark when he goes around showing drawings of the time I had long hair.

18\. Even if I really want to.

19\. I cannot maul Denmark when he puts a wreath on me for Christmas.

20\. He knows it's only for girls.

21\. I cannot recreate Busby's chair and make England think it is the real one.

22\. I cannot throw saffron cakes on Denmark's face.*

23\. Even if he completely needed it.

24\. I will not speak of Kalmar Union.

25\. Especially in front of Denmark.

26\. He will get depressed.

27\. And clingy.

28\. And will start hugging the Nordics at random times for self security.

29\. No one wants that.

30\. I cannot read Prussia's blog.

31\. Nor do I want to.

32\. I cannot brag to Denmark about the Swedish Empire.

33\. Even if it was completely better than the Danish Kingdom.

34\. I cannot kill Denmark on our Minecraft server when he blows up my castles.

35\. At least, not right away.

36\. I will get the other Nordics to team together with me.

36\. And we will kill Denmark with pork chops.

37\. That is much better than killing right away.

38\. I cannot sleep in my hotel room shirtless anymore.

39\. Because Hungary will have put cameras in there.

40\. And she will give the tapes to Denmark.

41\. And he will get ideas.

42\. I cannot call Finland my wife.

43\. Finland is a man and he does not like it.

44\. Even if he would make a great wife...

45\. I cannot kill Denmark for Norway when he steals Norway's butter.

46\. Norway will have to kill Denmark himself.

47\. I cannot spend my entire weekend at the IKEA store.

48\. Finland thinks I have a problem.

49\. I think not.

50\. I cannot keep on talking to my furniture.

51\. This problem is real.

52\. I cannot use Hana for gambling.

53\. Even if she racks in money like there's no tomorrow.

54\. I cannot keep on putting a cardboard box over Sealand's head.

55\. Even if he needs to stop watching anime.

56\. I cannot fight with Estonia about who's better with computers.

57\. I, for one, do not spend all my time on the computer.

58\. I have other hobbies besides sitting glued to the internet.

59\. I cannot beat Denmark up when he makes us cross dress for Christmas.

60\. I am told he will not do it again.

61\. I do not believe it.

62\. I cannot tell America anything about Pewdiepie.

63\. He will spread gossip that I play games with him.

64\. I do not, of course.

65\. Seriously, I don't.

66\. I cannot tell America anything about Notch.

67\. (See 63 through 65)

68\. I cannot stab Denmark with a candle.

69\. No matter how much I want to.

70\. Especially on Christmas.

71\. Finland says it ruins the Christmas spirit.

72\. I say Denmark ruins the Christmas spirit.

73\. I cannot stare down Denmark as an alternative to beating him up.

74\. Unfortunately.

75\. I cannot kill Denmark when he pretends to be his bi-sexual writer, Han Christian Andersen.

76\. Especially when he tries to cuddle with me.

77\. Excuse me. *Hurls*

78\. I cannot play Minecraft with Finland with PvP mode on.

79\. Because he would own my ass.

80\. And he would call me an asswipe.

81\. I cannot call Denmark a sick fuck when he wears his narwhal shirt and his rapper pants.

82\. Even if he does look like a sick fuck.

83\. Norway would agree with me.

84\. I cannot take away Denmark's axe.

85\. He would start crying.

86\. And start hugging the Nordics at random times.

87\. I cannot hunt down Denmark when he tries to copy my hairstyle.

88\. Especially with a bow and arrow.

89\. Denmark would call me Katniss Everdeen.

90\. Whoever that is.

91\. I cannot kill Denmark for Norway when Denmark flirts with Iceland.

92\. (See 46)

93\. I cannot injure the person who created 'How to get rid of Unnecessary Cheap Swedish furniture.'

94\. Everyone knows my furniture is the best.

95\. I cannot leave off on this list to kill Denmark.

96\. I have made that point several times to not to.

97\. Even if he poured coffee over the chair I was working on.

98\. I know it is not an accident.

99\. I am not allowed to injure Denmark in any way, no matter how great my anger.

100\. Forget it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yes, I got 14 from Scandinavia and the world.  
> *Saffron cakes- a sort of Swedish sweet.


	3. Iceland

**100 things I, Iceland, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot bribe Mr. Puffin with fish to scare the other Nordics.

2\. I cannot put Hong Kong's spices in the other Nordics' food.

3\. Last time I did, Denmark spent half an hour puking.

4\. I cannot join Norway when he was gambling with Hana.

5\. Last I did, he bet me away and lost me to Hana as well.

6\. As so did Denmark, who lost both Greenland and Faroe Islands and his clothes.

7\. I should not share my shampoo with Denmark.

8\. He put blue hair dye in it and that was how I had to spend a week with neon blue hair.

9\. I cannot try to migrate with Mr. Puffin and his gang.

10\. It freaks people out.

11\. Especially Norway.

12\. Even though most people can't even tell.

13\. I cannot dump ice on Norway when he asks me to call him 'big brother.'

14\. I have made the point several times that I am too old to call him that.

15\. I cannot tackle Denmark when he jokes about my complete lack of an army.

16\. No comment.

17\. I cannot join Hong Kong for his firework festivals.

18\. They will always end badly.

19\. I should stop hanging out with Turkey.

20\. Especially when we go to Turkish steam bathes.

21\. Norway will hunt him down and kill him if he knew this.

22\. OH SHIT, NORWAY-

23\. I cannot say, "Everyone's just overreacting.", while blowing up a volcano in the background.

24\. That is a contradiction.

25\. Even if I look super bad ass.

26\. I cannot go to the world meeting on a motorcycle.

27\. Especially if I decide to enter by crashing through the meeting walls on my ride.

28\. (See 25)

29\. I cannot bribe any elves to scare the shit out of the other nations.

30\. I should not bring lava to the World Meetings.

31\. This has proven to be an extremely bad idea.

32\. I cannot carry on drinking so much Coca Cola.

33\. Norway thinks I have a problem.

34\. I think the other.

35\. Greenland and I cannot switch names.

36\. It confused the other Nordics and in the end, Denmark and Norway made us switch back.

37\. Even if it does make more sense than our current names.

38\. I cannot join Romano in his mafia raids.

39\. (See 25)

40\. I cannot laugh at the rest of Europe's nations' names of things.

41\. Like Switzerland's 'ass forest', and Austria's 'shit valley end.'

42\. Mmph, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-

43\. *collapses from laughing*

44\. Even if several nations would agree with me on this case.

45\. I cannot keep on overworking myself.

46\. I will keep on collapsing from exhaustion.

47\. Icelanders do work the longest and the hardest though...

48\. I should not switch Norway's regular black coffee with any other kind.

49\. He will become hyper...

50\. ...and scary...

51\. ...and starts laughing at random times...

52\. "..."

53\. I cannot keep on standing outside whenever ashes are falling.

54\. It's bad for my lungs.

55\. I cannot drive my motorcycle into people's driveways and say, "Vroom, vroom, motherfucker."

56\. (See 25)

57\. I cannot set people's backyards on fire while dressed as the grim reaper.

58\. It freaks people out.

59\. I don't see why.

60\. I cannot hit America when he says I copied Norway's flag.

61\. I didn't.

62\. I swear, I really didn't!

63\. Shut up, Norway.

64\. I cannot try Hong Kong's opium.

65\. It's a very bad idea.

66\. I cannot continue drawing my 'Finnie the Pooh' comics.

67\. Finland is not amused.

68\. Sweden likes them, though.

69\. I cannot 'help' Hong Kong with his New Year plans.

70\. That will get me nowhere.

71\. I cannot feed Hong Kong fish cake.

72\. I had to send him to the emergency room after.

73\. He still looked a little green after, though.

74\. And he didn't touch anything that contained fish for two weeks.

75\. I cannot ask Denmark how big his capital is.

76\. Nor do I want to.

77\. I cannot go near Finland between September and Christmas.

78\. His entire house will be covered in FUCKING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS.

79\. And he will go everywhere dressed as Santa.

80\. I cannot kill any other European countries after Eurovision.

81\. Especially if it's the winner.

82\. Damn you, Sweden!

83\. I cannot walk in on Norway practicing his magic.

84\. That's what he says anyway...

85\. It looked like he was just laughing while dancing like a clown.

86\. I cannot continue using my shrooms.

87\. I don't recommend it anyway.

88\. I cannot reenact scenes from South Park.

89\. Especially with Hong Kong.

90\. I cannot harm anyone who makes fun of my porn ban.

91\. Particularly Denmark.

92\. I cannot set stone on glass with a red LCD screen as my flooring.

93\. Especially if I play lava bubbling in the background.

94\. I don't see why it freaks people out.

95\. I cannot play 'No Prejudice'.

96\. Especially if I sing to it.

97\. Even if it is fabulous.

98\. At least Mr. Puffin understands.

99\. I will follow and abide by (most of) these rules as they are stated, because it is for my good and others.

100\. And plus, Norway made me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know Iceland's normally the conservative dude, but I think of things above there as thing he'd like to do. (Eyebrow waggle) Anyway, review please!


	4. Thailand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think of him a little yandere, like he tries to keep his anger down, but when it gets ahead of him, he can be really SCARY or troll like.

**100 things I, Thailand, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot invite anyone to a ride on my elephants.

2\. They all claim that I ride them way too fast, therefore, unsafe.

3\. That's silly. How can an elephant run too fast for anyone?

4\. Although, Japan did look rather pale after the elephant ride.

5\. I cannot complain to the World Meeting committee to get Toto his own seat.

6\. They say it is pointless.

7\. I cannot harm anybody in anyway that steals my elephants.

8\. This includes S. Korea and N. Korea.

9\. I cannot claim to everyone that Asian elephants are better than African elephants.

10\. The African nations will get angry.

11\. And tackle me.

12\. And will turn the entire meeting into a brawl.

13\. I will not join Hong Kong when he has his 'Hipster Asian Sparkle' parties.

14\. No comment.

15\. I cannot use an elephant as a car.

16\. Even if it cleaner and better.

17\. I cannot give smiling lessons to Russia.

18\. Or Sweden.

19\. Or Belarus.

20\. They never turn up well.

21\. I cannot say Bangkok as, 'Krungthepmahanakhon Amonrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharatratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphimanawatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit.'

22\. It took me twenty minutes to say the entire name.

23\. I cannot bring a reticulated python to a World Meeting.

24\. The last one was 33 feet long.

25\. I cannot ride an elephant into a World Meeting.

26\. I had to pay for all damages anyway.

27\. I cannot teach elephant reproduction to the micro nations.

28\. They haven't been corrupted.

29\. Yet.

30\. I cannot harm America in any way when he mentions 'The King and I'.

31\. He knows nothing about the original.

32\. Numerous nations would agree with me on this.

33\. I cannot teach Toto how to swear.

34\. Iceland's puffin will teach him well enough.

35\. I cannot attempt to teach my elephants to swim so I can replace my boats.

36\. That won't end very well.

37\. I cannot attempt to teach my elephants to fly so I can replace airplanes.

38\. (See 36)

39\. I cannot fight with America on which nationality Tiger Woods is.

40\. Everyone knows he's Thai!

41\. I cannot show soft porn to elephants to get them to breed.

42\. (See 36)

43\. I cannot say '~Ana?' over and over to annoy people.

44\. ~Ana?

45\. I cannot get lessons from Russia on how to be Yandere.

46\. (See 36)

47\. I cannot tell America that I speak Elephantlish.

48\. Even though I do.

49\. I cannot tell America that all my elephants hate him.

50\. He will get depressed.

51\. And eat ice cream.

52\. Lots of it.

53\. "..."

54\. I cannot be a judge in one of Hong Kong's 'Kitty-Maid Cosplay' contests.

55\. When I said that I thought S. Korea looked better than him, Hong Kong got mad.

56\. And tackled me.

57\. No one wants that.

58\. Except maybe S. Korea.

59\. I cannot call myself, "The Rabbit-Man."

60\. Even though I am.

61\. Italy would agree.

62\. I cannot cross dress for our 'Asian Mafia: Operation Zero'.

63\. Even if we need more than one spy.

64\. Male spies don't work very well.

65\. So that's why I cross dress!

66\. Taiwan says I look pretty~!

67\. I will not watch Boku No Pico.

68\. Not. Ever. Again.

69\. *faints*

70\. I cannot sing 'Honor to Us all' within China's earshot.

71\. (See 36)

72\. I cannot give any micronations an elephant for their birthday.

73\. Nor can I give anyone elephants for their birthday.

74\. I will not go shopping with France.

75\. Nor will I go shopping with Poland.

76\. I do not understand why I need to shop at the female lingerie section, according to France.

77\. I will not mention WWII at any time.

78\. Especially within Japan's earshot.

79\. It brings back bad memories.

80\. It also makes the atmosphere very awkward.

81\. For both of us.

82\. I will not mention the Vietnam War within earshot of Vietnam.

83\. (See 79 through 81)

84\. I cannot bring an elephant to a meeting.

85\. America would want to ride on it.

86\. And ride on it he will.

87\. Through a meeting wall.

88\. And the other nations will get mad about the damage costs.

89\. I cannot attack any nations that wear ivory.

90\. "..."

91\. Some nations may still have scars from my attacks.

92\. Those nations may or may not include a certain Asian.

93\. That certain Asian may or may have not been China.

94\. Or Cambodia.

95\. I cannot draw elephants on important documents.

96\. This goes for Japan's 2-D porn as well.

97\. I cannot say, "I'll just kill you later." every time someone angers me.

98\. Those yandere lessons from Russia paid off well.

99\. I swear by all my elephants and my sanity that I promise to follow these rules.

100\. But I lack the sanity to swear, so this agreement is null.


	5. Seychelles

**100 things I, Seychelles, cannot do.**

1\. I cannot build a swordfish fence around my island.

2\. Even if it keeps the other nations from getting 'stranded.'

3\. They keep on claiming that I'm an unpopulated island in the middle of the sea.

4\. I'm a nation, damn it.

5\. I cannot talk about flooding England.

6\. Nor can I talk about flooding France.

7\. Both would end very badly.

8\. I cannot prank call England.

9\. Nor can I prank call France.

10\. (See 7)

11\. I cannot hijack SeaWorld with Cuba and rescue all the fish.

12\. Even if it is a good cause.

13\. I will not bring a swordfish to a meeting.

14\. America would play with it.

15\. And hurt someone.

16\. Like himself.

17\. And several nations would get angry about the blood on their clothing.

18\. Even though I had no part in the incident.

19\. Okay, maybe a little bit.

20\. Is it okay to love fish and love seafood at the same time?

21\. I think it is.

22\. I cannot flood the meeting building.

23\. No matter how much I don't want to go.

24\. I cannot tell anyone how I manage to flood so many places.

25\. It's a secret.

26\. I cannot bring up the Glorioso Islands within France's earshot.

27\. They're mine.

28\. End of argument.

29\. I cannot wear a bikini within eyeshot of France.

30\. That would end very badly.

31\. I cannot harm anybody that makes fun of my coat of arms.

32\. This includes America.

33\. And other African countries.

34\. Dang it, Uganda!

35\. I cannot join forces with the Caribbean nations and plot to take over the world.

36\. Not that I would ever do that, of course.

37\. I cannot tell England his food is shit.

38\. He gets depressed.

39\. And I'm supposed to care.

40\. I cannot sneak up on Cameroon when he's doing his work.

41\. Because his first instinct is to hit the attacker.

42\. Even though I am not the attacker, his instinct tells him that I am.

43\. And he has lions.

44\. Cute ones, but big,

45\. I cannot tell anyone that Cameroon reads Harry Potter.

46\. Because he would unleash his lions on me.

47\. (See 44)

48\. I cannot smack anyone with my giant fish.

49\. Because England would get mad about the bruises.

50\. I should not race against Kenya.

51\. That girl can run dang fast...

52\. I cannot mention gold mines within South Africa's earshot.

53\. Because five minutes later, a very injured England should appear.

54\. The said injured England should proceed to tackle me.

55\. I swear, not my fault!

56\. (See 19)

57\. I cannot ask Hong Kong what he does on Friday nights.

58\. He would throw a poster on me.

59\. The poster says, "Hipster Asian Parties"

60\. No comment.

61\. None at all.

62\. I cannot whine to the other African nations about my high cost of living.

63\. They will look at me disapprovingly.

64\. And tell me to be glad I have stable houses and much food for my people.

65\. "..."

66\. The feels.

67\. I cannot keep on fainting in cold places.

68\. It's not my fault I don't have a climate like Russia's!

69\. Not that I would want his climate...

70\. *Shivers*

71\. I cannot try Cuba's cigars.

72\. How does that man smoke so many of those?

73\. I guess he handles it like how Jamaica handles smoking so much pot.

74\. And all the other soft drugs he uses.

75\. I cannot hit anybody with a coconut.

76\. This includes England.

77\. And France.

78\. I cannot steal Hungary's frying pan to hit France.

79\. Wait, I can.

80\. Thanks, Hungary!

81\. This is much more efficient than coconuts!

82\. I cannot ask Hungary if she got her frying pan from Rapunzel.

83\. What? Did she?

84\. I cannot hit anyone that calls me, 'Tourist Islands Bitch'.

85\. This anyone may or may not be a certain Prussian.

86\. Now I get why she hits him so much...

87\. I cannot dress up as a mermaid.

88\. Especially if Denmark is with me.

89\. We're both very pretty!

90\. I cannot go around blowing up any ship that gets near my island and doesn't belong to me.

91\. It's not a healthy habit...

92\. I cannot ride a dolphin into a World Conference.

93\. Especially if I teach that dolphin to dance.

94\. And sing.

95\. And live on land.

96\. Don't ask me how I did it.

97\. It comes from living on an island...

98\. .__.

99\. I swear that by England's eyebrows and France's perviness that I will abide by these rules because it is for my own well being and for others'.

100\. And, as proof of my sanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 26-28: Seychelles is currently having a dispute with France over who own the Glorioso Islands, a chain of islands near Seychelles.


	6. Hong Kong

**100 things I, Hong Kong, cannot do.**

  1. I cannot put fireworks in, like, anybody's bed.
  2. This includes China's.
  3. And England's.
  4. And S. Korea's.
  5. And several more people.
  6. I cannot have anymore 'Hipster Asian Sparkle' parties.
  7. Even if Hipster Asian Sparkle parties are, like, the bomb.
  8. S. Korea and I cannot have any more 'Kitty Maid Cosplaying' contests.
  9. Especially on the meeting table.
  10. Even if the meeting table makes an excellent catwalk.
  11. But there would be, like, no winner.
  12. Because whoever loses, would kill the winner.
  13. And maybe the judges.
  14. I cannot set off fireworks during a meeting.
  15. Or anytime, for that matter.
  16. I cannot, like, have a firework celebration.
  17. Especially with America.
  18. I cannot draw naughty pictures.
  19. No matter how fun it is.
  20. I should not show my pictures to Japan.
  21. Ever.
  22. I cannot keep on using Opium.
  23. It's bad for me.
  24. And the main reason why I don't like England.
  25. I cannot give France, like, any pictures of England in his waiter outfit.
  26. No matter how much he's willing to give me.
  27. I cannot kidnap China's pandas and hold them for a ransom.
  28. That will get me nowhere.
  29. At all.
  30. I cannot draw on any important documents.
  31. Especially if it has confidential on it.
  32. I cannot steal N. Korea's nukes.
  33. For any purpose at all.
  34. Because N. Korea would nuke me if I did.
  35. No one wants to be nuked.
  36. No one.
  37. I cannot tell people that they have bad Feng Shui.
  38. They don't even know what I'm talking about, so it has no effect on them.
  39. I cannot let S. Korea into my house.
  40. I cannot let S. Korea into my bedroom.
  41. Both would end up very badly.
  42. I cannot tell Belarus that her brother stalks China.
  43. She and China would be forced to fight for Russia.
  44. Even though China, like, hates Russia.
  45. Now that I think of it, there wouldn't be any fight since China would give Russia to Belarus immediately.
  46. I cannot, like, help America with his firework celebration.
  47. Cause we would end up blowing up an entire nation.
  48. Namely America's.
  49. I cannot accuse S. Korea of killing my giant rubber ducky.
  50. ...but deep down I know he did, like, kill Mr. Duck...
  51. ...no matter what he claims...
  52. I cannot, like, borrow anybody's money, unless they give me permission.
  53. Poland and I were going to donate the money to charity...
  54. Okay, I'm lying.
  55. We went shopping.
  56. I did find, like, a totally swaglicous pair of headphones.
  57. I cannot have a bear brawl between my panda and Canada's polar bear.
  58. Because my bear would, like, totally win.
  59. Cause pandas always win.
  60. China would agree.
  61. I cannot steal America's glasses.
  62. He calls them Texas for some reason, though...
  63. Macau and I cannot, like, go to Las Vegas.
  64. Even though last time we did, we won tons of cash and came back loaded.
  65. I cannot take any pictures of Sensei when he's asleep.
  66. Even if he looks funny holding his Hello Kitty plushie.
  67. I cannot ever gamble with Macau.
  68. Because he would win.
  69. And I would be broke.
  70. I cannot give Iceland any of my spicy foods.
  71. Because his stomach can't handle it.
  72. And he would puke.
  73. For two hours straight.
  74. Nobody, like, wants that.
  75. My poor toilet...
  76. I cannot smack S. Korea when he makes fun of me for being so short.
  77. I'll just slice him with my sword later.
  78. Yes, I have a sword.
  79. Don't ask me where I got it.
  80. I cannot joke to Iceland about, like, his porn ban.
  81. Nor can I joke about his lack of an army.
  82. He's touchy about both subjects...
  83. I cannot try Iceland's shrooms.
  84. One Nordic drug addict is bad enough.
  85. An Asian drug addict is, like, even worse.
  86. I cannot join America on Disco Pogo Friday.
  87. Even though I saw Prussia there.
  88. And Spain.
  89. And France.
  90. And Germany.
  91. And S. Korea.
  92. Do I need to say more?
  93. I cannot tell Poland it is a bad idea to buy ponies during wartime.
  94. Because he would chase me with his pink pony.
  95. That he bought during the internet wars.
  96. Yeah... He didn't listen.
  97. By, like, the powers vested in me and my fireworks, I swear solemnly and seriously to follow all of these rules laid down for me and my own good.
  98. Now, like, off to Las Vegas with Macau!



  



End file.
